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Helpless Romantic

I promise you, my want to be married has nothing to do with desperation.

As a matter of fact, lonliness is not what scares me, but failure does. I do not want to apporach the end of my life thinking I failed at love, at the chance to make a another so happy, so filled with joy that all he wanted in this mortal life was to wake up besides me every morning. And more importantly, I do not want to end this life knowing that I failed at allowing myself to fall so in love with another being that

Psychologically, I think my reasons for chasing down happily ever after have to do with the fact the I was raised in a single parent household. My parents split-up before I was even old enough to develop memories of the time when they played house and toyed with the idea of their own ideas happily ever after. I will never be able to recall my father tenderly caressing my mother’s shoulder at the end of a long day. I will never be able to think back and reminisce about all the times they danced together or the times my dad made my mother laugh out loud. Those memories do not belong to me, but I longed to have them for myself, for the children I hope the Lord will someday bless me with. But, before that can happen, I have to first be in a successful relationship, with the promise of a ring attached to a love that will endure any storm.

But, this attitude towards marriage is worst than having a nonchalant or adverse attitude. Because even if I claim that I am not desparate; it does make me try WAY to hard sometimes. Now, don’t get me wrong. My father was a major part of my childhood, not a day went by where he did not call to check on me or was too out of reach for me, so I know its not some self-esteem complex. I’m just a helpless romantic who cannot help myself.

So, when I meet someone who might be “the one”, everything else in my life fades away at an attempt to get that achieve that dream. This is why I becomes easy for me to let my faith fade in the background. Because when I do not understand why God won’t let me have this dream, instead of trying to gain that understanding and accepting His no, I ignore Him and chase after my dream. Sooner or later, after I’ve fallen flat on my face, He picks me up and I know whose in control. But, silly romantic me, never learns my lesson!

*For the one who questioned me. I hope this answers your question because it was rushed writing…got an exam in the morning!!!


3 Responses

  1. Wow….

    After reading this I almost began to feel sorrow for my own self.

    I guess that’s when you know the sentiments of the post and emotions expressed were/are beautiful. What more can I say? I believe in due time (when it’s your time!) everything will BE for you and the blessed man in your life.

    If I am not mistaken aren’t you still young? If so, you have your entire life ahead of you.

    Our childhood somewhat mirrors each others. Except I was led to believe that relationships didn’t necessarily work after never seeing my mom and dad “work it out.”

    • Don-

      I’m only 22!!!!! But I was always an overachiever, racing to the finish line. But I am learning that in life the only finished line is death….

      And the one I was with, I think could have been “the one” except I moved to fast on that…Took control of the situation when I should have just let him been a man and did what he had to do.

      But, I’m starting to get it together and realize that I need to focus on more important things and just let that part of my life happen as God has written it.

      Glad my post meant so much too you, and as always, thanks for stopping by.


  2. You’re welcome.

    Yes, agreed, you have more than enough time. In fact, I’d chalk the experience you touched on, as a learning lesson in preparation for the one who will benefit from your lessons learned.

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