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Poem: I Saw Forever in You Because…

Our intimacy
Does not rely on penetration
Our connection
Was not made through the fitting of parts
But by the continuity of our song
A song whose melody
Was not created
By moans of pleasure
But by the beat of out hearts

*This is only the beginning of a poem I am writing for MY MAN (There is a reason I call him that which I will explain in a later post.) I could use some feedback on whether or not it is a good start.

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8 Responses

  1. I like where you are going with this. You’ve built some anticipation. You have a typo in your note at the bottom though.

  2. wow sounds sweet.. good luck in your relationship 🙂

  3. That is really really nice! I like what you have so far..it has some love and sensuality and passion and I LOVE it!

  4. i think it’s beautiful. i wonder if men feel the same way.

  5. I like poetry.

    Good start…was wondering if the sense of forever, eternity and such would be continued throughout the rest of the poem as the title suggests softly…good stuff!

    Oh, is that a typo in the last line. Should it be “our” or “out” hearts? Cause if it is the latter then one can perceive it as, hearts that are normally tucked away and covered, are in this instance out or exposed for all to see and feel and touch…yet still they are beating, alive…

    Perhaps I’m reading too deep into it.. 🙂

    Btw…I too wax poetic…
    http://markofgenius.wordpress.com

    • I was supposed to finish this poem a long time ago. But some things got in the way, and I never got around to it. This poem was inspired by a conversation I had with my sister when we were talking about how a person “just know” when they’re ready to get married .

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